Dare To Dream
by A Girl Named Truth
Summary: They say that when you dream , its your subconscious mind that gives you dream. A secret part of your brain throwing images of things you don’t even know you think about. Then as soon as your back in control these images are forgotten. *FIN*
1. Chapter 1

They say that when you dream , its your subconscious mind that gives you dream. A secret part of your brain throwing images of things you don't even know you think about. Then as soon as your back in control these images are forgotten.

That's how all of Howard's dreams were.

During the day he'd see all the same images and think nothing to them, random things he'd say would pass unnoticed and the things Vince said would be taken either at face value or as a joke.

But his dreams were different. In his dreams he'd see things differently, question things, try and see a deeper meaning. It's was almost like he'd hear and see the things he wouldn't dare let himself think during the day. The most frequent memories he was haunted by where of the night of his party.

During the day when his thoughts drifted to that night, which was a bit too often for Howard's liking, he'd always block out the kiss him and Vince had shared and focus on the rejection. It was almost as if he was convincing or reminding himself that it had all been a mistake. His mind controlling the facts, choosing what to remember.

However in his dream it would be the total opposite, their kiss would be more or less on replay with Vince's claim "I'll never love again" overdubbed onto them.

Howard would never let himself think that though, he'd never admit that he wanted Vince. He'd pushed his love to the back of his brain and suppressed it there, where as far as he was concerned it could stay. The few times he'd let his feelings surface he'd been humiliated. That door was closed. During the day anyway.

-x-

"Howard? Howard? Howard? Howard?! Howard! HowardHowardHowardHoward HOWARD!"

"Vince, you are such a child sometimes, you know that right?"

Vince slouched back in his chair, crossed his arms and pouted, obviously sulking.

"I am not!" He said indignantly and then kicked a box that was near his feet angrily, it gave of a dull thump and didn't move an inch. A fraction of a second passed before pain crossed his face and his eyes watered. He brought his silver boot up onto his lap and attempted to massage it better through the shiny but thick fabric.

"Sure, sure you're not." Howard asked with a smirk.

"Oi that hurt! You wanna try kicking a box of…stuff sometime"

"No I don't because I, sir, am not that stupid"

"Yeah, alright, whatever. Wouldn't have happened if you didn't call me a kid!"

"But you are a kid, you've got a candy bracelet on" Howard said waving a hand in the direction on Vince's wrist.

"And? You'd have one too if you if you didn't know that I'd be sat next to you, nibbling away at it, here you can have a bite off mine if you want it so badly" Vince offered shaking his slightly sticky looking wrist at Howard.

"I don't want your sweets Vince!" Vince looked startled and Howard took a deep breath before asking what it was Vince had wanted.

"Errr" there was a slight pause while the cogs of Vince's mind tried to rewind and remember what it was he was gonna say.

"Oh yeah, you wanna go to the funfair tomorrow?" He sat up in his chair, temper tantrum forgotten.

"See? You are such a child!" Howard laughed.

"Is that a yes?" Vince moved right to the edge of his seat so that he was perched on the edge, ready to jump up and down any second.

"No"

"Oh" Vince's face fell dramatically and Howard felt a twinge of guilt.

"I never said you couldn't go, did I?" Howard said quickly.

"No, I guess not but still, won't be the same without you" Vince looked down at his boots.

A few minutes passed awkwardly, Howard rearranged the balls of blue tack in their pot and glanced back over at Vince, who was staring out of the window, this is the stillest he'd been all day.

"Look, I don't like heights, fast rides or the dark so it'll be pointless me going won't it?" Howard hated the way Vince always took things so personally.

"They aren't that bad, Howard, it's a kid's fair remember, not Thorpe Park." A smile broke over his face "Come on, I'll even hold your hand if you like"

"Vince…"

"Don't worry, I'm only messing with you but seriously it'll be a laugh and Naboo and Bollo are busy so it'll just us two again like it used to be."

"Oh, alright but no big rides"

"Alright, alright, whatever you say" Vince winked and picked up his jacket.

"Where you going, fair's not til tomorrow ain't it?"

"Yeah I know that don't I? I'm off to town, going to buy an outfit for tomorrow then I might pop in on Leroy, he's kinda pissed coz he wanted to come but I said I'd rather go with just you, see ya" Vince was out the door before he'd even finished his sentence and Howard didn't get a chance to reply.

Howard thought for a second about what Vince had just said. He'd rather go with just him. It was so unlike Vince to ditch his cooler friends, especially now he had so many of them. Howard allowed himself a small smile, he wanted to go with just him, that must mean something. Then his brain regained control and remained him of the fact Vince probably didn't want all his friends to see him with a geography teacher look-a-like.

-x-

Vince walked home, not bothered by the cold, more bothered by what Leroy had said to him.

"I don't get what you wanna go with him for"

"Well, he's my best friend ain't he?

"You didn't seem that interested a few months ago, you've changed Vince"

"What do you mean, I'm the same as ever."

"Nah, you used to be cool mate, ever since that lame party you threw for him you've been more and more…"

"More and more what?!"

"More and more obsessed with him!"

"What? He's my best friend!"

"Yeah you said, but you weren't so hot on him before that night were you?"

"Oh get lost Leroy!"

That was when he'd stormed out. He wasn't sure what had pissed him off but something sure as hell had.

He got to the Nabootique door and dropped his 5 bags so that he could rummage round for his keys. Once inside he hauled the shopping up the stairs as quietly as he could. He set the bags down on the table and nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw that Howard was sleeping on the sofa, a magazine about different types of wild moths spread across his face. Vince picked it up and laughed, it would have sent him to sleep, that's for sure.

He rushed to a cupboard, pulled out a spare blanket and went back to the sofa. Vince balanced on the balls of his feet and as he laid it over Howard he could hear him mumbling. Most of it either wasn't loud enough or just didn't make sense but he caught a few familiar phrases.

"Rather go with just you, I'll even hold your hand if you like, won't be the same without you….I'll never love again." Vince fell back on his arse with a bump, he didn't have a clue what had just happened. After that the mumbling stopped and Howard began to snore leaving Vince not even sure if he had heard all those things at all.

Finally, seeing that sitting here wasn't gonna do any good, he dragged himself to bed and spent the night tossing and turning, the words Howard had repeated and the argument with Leroy playing over and over in his head making sleep unlikely.


	2. Chapter 2

After the few hours sleep he managed to get, Vince led in bed considering his options.

Something was up with Howard, of that much he was sure but he'd never said anything.

For some reason that affected Vince more than he'd have ever have thought.

He just didn't understand it.

Why would Howard be thinking about all those things that Vince had said earlier.

Why?

Why is he now sat here thinking about Howard thinking about them?

Vince rolled over and buried his head in his pillow.

And why did he spend £90 on pair of Topshop jeans?

He was just going to the fair. With Howard. There wasn't any call to impress anyone.

Except Howard…

Vince sat up, hit the pillow with the hand that he had been leaning on and got out of bed. Rubbing his eyes and ruffling his bed hair he walked over to his wardrobe when the five bags of shopping were dumped. His brain couldn't have coped with sorting them out last night. He chucked them one buy one onto his bed and tipped out the contents.

There was a rainbow-like selection of tops and three pairs of skinnys (including the £90 pair), a pair of grey leopard print tights (what?), 2 scarves and a necklace with a dice on it. Wow, there must be well over £200's worth of clothes here, he just had no self control when it came to shopping.

Righteo, down to business…

He knew instantly that he was gonna wear the black £90 skinnys, he'd brought them especially, he just had make the outfit around it. He ended up with a pink top with silver stars on it and his trusty silver boots. Some instinct he couldn't put his finger on told him not to bother with a jacket.

It was 10 already and he still had his hair and make up to do before he could even think about going down to the shop and "doing his job". By the time he was clomping down the stairs it was gone 11, which surprisingly enough was earlier than usual. Howard was sat at the counter nursing a cup of tea and rubbing the small of his back when he got down to the shop.

"Alright?" Vince greeted him.

"Not really, that sofa's no place to sleep, I knew I shouldn't have picked up that Wild Moths guide, completely over-excited me" Howard said wincing,

"Yeah, I'm sure it did" Vince tried to suppress a laugh. "I'm gonna make a cuppa, you good with that one?"

"Yeah, I'm fine"

Vince busied himself with making his tea and causally reminded Howard of his promise of coming to the fair.

"Ah, yeah, about that…" Howard started, looking down at his feet. "I know I said I would but thinking about it now maybe it's not such a good…

"What are you talking about, it'll be great!" Vince bounced on the balls of his feet.

"Yeah but I'm really not good on rides and…"

"Come on Howard, you promised and I said…" Vince had to swallow before he finished. "I said I'd hold your hand if you get all scared."

"That won't be necessary thank you very much!"

There was a clattering sound as Vince knocked the sugar bowl over, getting sugar just about everywhere apart from in his teacup, he was just excited about the fair he told himself.

"It'll be genius Howard, you know it will it's been ages since we've spent anytime together just us and I… I guess I miss it" Vince forced the words out and put a little to much focus into pouring the milk into the cup, causing it to overflow.

He picked the cup up off the counter and brought the cup to his lips. He didn't drink from it, instead he licked the little traces of spilt liquid from the side of the hot and now slightly sticky cup. If he'd have been looking the other way he would have seen Howard's eyes widen and his cheeks flush but instead all he heard was an awkward clearing of a throat.

"Ermm Vince?" Howard asked, a confused look on his face.

"Hmm?" He said, his mouth full of hot tea.

"You know you're meant to put the ingredients in the cup not try and make pretty picture with them all over the counter"

"Yeah, sorry, just too…excited I guess, come on, come to the fair, please" Vince batted his eyelashes over his big blue eyes for good measure.

"Oh….fine"

"Genius" Vince put his tea down and ran over to Howard in an attempt to hug him. He knew the words were coming before they even left Howard's mouth.

"Don't touch me"

"Hahaha, how am I gonna hold your hand on all the big scary rides then?" Vince laughed.

"Very funny!" Howard shot back.

Vince was jittery for the next few hours while Howard seemed miles away. Usually it was the other way round and Vince was slightly bothered by the fact that he didn't know what Howard was thinking about.

To be honest Vince didn't even know what he was thinking himself. Surely he was just excited about spending time alone with Howard because it was something they hardly ever did any more. Right? Of course, it was only natural.

They hadn't spent any proper time together since his party. Vince's stomach was suddenly inhabited by a whole range of butterflies. Just like on that moth mag. Surely it wasn't normal to be this excited about a funfair?


	3. Chapter 3

"Howard, can we go nowwwwwwwww?!" Vince moaned.

"Ten minutes Vince, surely you can at least wait til closing time" Howard said, he'd had this every five minutes for the last hour or so.

"There's nobody here, come on, it'll take you that long to get a jacket and lock up so technic…"

"Fine, fine" He said cutting him off. "..but you stay here just in case, alright?"

"Alright" Vince nodded, he didn't normally like being left in the shop on his own, but he welcomed the compromise if it meant they'd get going any sooner. And bonus, he'd get to touch up his eyeliner without Howard rolling his eyes at him.

As soon as the footsteps up the stair had stopped Vince dashed over to the mirror, ruffled his hair and went about applying the black kohl to his eyes, humming to himself as he did so, after all he was an expert at this and it didn't need his full attention.

"Ready then?" Howard asked from a few centimetres to his side causing Vince to jump at his sudden presence.

"Shit!" Vince cried out, his hand flying to his eye.

"Hey, hey, hey, what's wrong?"

"Fucking eyeliner! In me eye! Not good!" That was about as close to a sentence he could manage. Nothing killed more than shoving a sharpened pencil in your eye as well as making yourself look like an idiot at the same time, salt in the wound as they say.

"I told you that stuff's more trouble than it's worth" It was meant as a joke but when Howard saw tears well up in the eye that wasn't covered by Vince's hand he rushed to get some tissue and ran it under the hot tap. When he returned Vince was still on the verge of tears and Howard rubbed a hand on Vince's back to try to soothe him.

"Come on, let me see…" Howard coaxed, standing directly in front of Vince. Gently he pried away his hand and looked at the reddened eye. He had to move closer to wipe the smudged eyeliner from Vince's face and he was suddenly aware of how close he was to Vince. He could feel the heat that was coming from him and he could smell the bath foam that he used. Vince lent into the tissue, closed his other eye and took a deep breath. Howard could almost taste the Skittles that Vince had eaten for lunch in the air he exhaled.

He didn't want to say anything because that would break the moment but Vince wasn't sure how long he could stand there for, he'd completely forgotten the pain in his eye, all he could think about was Howard and that if he moved his head just a centimetre closer he could kiss him….that thought brought him back down to earth with a bump. He took the tissue away from Howard, feeling suddenly shy.

Since when had he ever thought like that? Vince asked himself as he looked into the mirror to inspect the damage.

"Great, now it's all wonky!" He sighed, more to himself than anything.

"What?" Howard said, he was still stood where he had been before and he had only just seemed to realise Vince had moved. "Oh, errrm…Maybe you should leave it off?"

"What? I can't do that!"

"It's not worth poking yourself in the eye again is it?"

"Yeah, I know…but I can't not wear it, I'll look hideous" Vince quickly applied the dark lines under his eyes, this time without poking himself and ran towards the door.

Howard had to bite back the sentence he's wanted to say, which was hard because it came to his lips almost like a reflex.

_You could never be hideous, not even if you tried to be._

He grabbed the keys and followed Vince out.

It was cold outside, the air chilled Vince through his tight but thin top and he was kicking himself that he hadn't brought a jacket.

They turned a corner off the main street onto a narrower road. This meant that Vince had to move closer to Howard in order to stay by his side.

It would only be a five minute walk but it felt like a daunting prospect because of the dark and the cold. The tension that had appeared between them didn't help either.

Howard felt Vince's hand brush his and he jumped before mentally kicking himself, it was just because they were walking so close, "it couldn't be helped" he scolded himself.

If it hadn't been dark he would have seen Vince slightly frown at his reaction.

Howard cleared his throat and tried his best to sound casual.

"So what rides are there then?"

"Oh Ermm the usual, Dodgems, Waltzer, Tea Cups y'know…Oh, and they got this new thing, it's called….Body Heat!"

"Errr, well that sounds…interesting"

"I know right, I can't wait to go on it!" Vince said, missing the slightly worried tone of Howard's voice.

Vince's hand brushed against Howard's again, only this time individual fingers lingered on his skin just for a fraction of a second.

When Howard didn't jump away this time, Vince smiled to himself and considered doing it again but the lights from the fair blinked into his vision. He grabbed onto Howard's hand and started to run, dragging Howard behind him.

"Vince…Vince! It's only a fair! It's not going anywhere you know!" Howard said when Vince had finally stopped running. Vince was just stood there, mouth agape and eyes wide.

"Wow!" Was all he said as he stared at the full view of the fair.

He didn't even realise that Howard still hadn't let go of his hand.


	4. Chapter 4

"Well come on then, we can't stand here all day can we?" Howard said drifting back to the present and dropping Vince's hand.

It wasn't til then that Vince's realised that Howard had been holding in for nearly a whole two minutes and his face lit up.

"See there we go, that's the excitement I was waiting for…" Howard laughed to himself, completely unaware that Vince's smile had nothing to do with the fact they had finally made it to the fair.

"Oh, uh, yeah…genius! Let's go!"

Everywhere they looked there were people. Little kids staring in awe at the big rides and then having to be convinced to go on the diddy versions. Slightly bigger kids boasting that they weren't scared. Teenagers daring each other to go on things. Teenage couples making out by the sides of the rides, not aware they were in plain view of everyone waiting. Normal couples holding hands while they queued. Groups of friends, some drunk, others just excited. There was nobody like Howard and Vince there though, well there was tonnes of little new rave teenagers and the odd out of place librarian-ish looking man but none together. None as friends. None as maybe something more… Vince shook his head and cleared his thoughts, recently his mind had been harder to keep clear of those type of unwanted thoughts.

"What shall we go on first? There's so many, I wanna go on them all!"

"Start off small, yeah?"

"Alright then scaredy" Vince playfully pushed Howard toward towards the nearest ride. "Hows about the dodgems, they're perfectly safe - no heights, no darkness just some little cars"

"Yeah with you driving one of them, I don't think so!" Howard laughed at Vince's shocked look.

"How dare you, these things are easy, nothing like normal cars."

"Nothing like normal cars? No, of course not. Just the accelerator, the ability to steer, not crashing into walls. But other than that nothing like it" Howard shook his head in disbelief

"Seriously Howard, I'm brilliant at these"

"I don't care, you failed your driving test twenty-three times, you gave one driving instructor a heart attack and another one's still in therapy, I'm not gonna try and dodge you in that mad pit of car accidents waiting to happen, it's suicide!"

"Fine then, what do you want to go on?"

"I don't really wanna go on anything, Vince…"

"Oh Howard, don't be like that." Vince ran his hand up Howard's arm before looking down at the floor. "We haven't spent anytime in ages and I really miss you, I love…" Vince looked up, meeting Howard's eyes. "…It when it's just us two. I just wanted us to have a night out and have fun without everyone else, without having to worry about anything but if you don't then…" Vince's blue eyes shone in the darkness.

"Hey, hey of course I do. " Howard swallowed, he didn't want to make it seem like he didn't want to spend time with Vince, because he really did, it was just he was genuinely scared. Not just of the rides either. The closer he got to Vince, the harder it was to keep himself under control. Not that he'd ever tell Vince any of that, not for all the jazz records in the world, sir.

"What about the Waltzer, that's alright, it just spins a bit"

"Alright, little man, if you want" Howard agreed, he was willing to put up with a little dizziness for the smile that lit up Vince's face.

Vince rushed towards it leaving Howard in his wake, watching as Vince's silver boots clattered up the stairs to get on the main level of it.

By the time Howard had got their he was already sat down in a little spinny car that reminded him of a new rave version of the tea-cups ride. He doubted it would be that simple though.

He was instantly proved right as he put one foot in the car and the whole thing swung violently away from him. He took his foot back and hovered at the side, trying to think of the best way to get in the damn thing. Vince held out his hand and smiled up at him.

"The trick is to do it really fast" Vince said motioning for him to use his hand to help him balance.

Howard gingerly took his hand, the warmth of it a direct contrast to the cold air around him. He put his foot back on the slightly moving floor, put his other hand on the shiny side and let himself be dragged into the car by Vince. It swung round with the weight but this time Howard prepared for it and went with it. However his balance failed him and he fell foward almost directly onto Vince's lap.

"There you go, it's not as hard as it looks" Vince laughed as Howard tried to maintain his dignity as he pushed himself off Vince's legs onto the hard leather seat, leaving a suitable gap between him and the other man. Not that it helped because as soon as the safety bar came down and the ride started they were forced together with the momentum of the spinning car.

Howard couldn't see how anyone on this thing could be enjoying it. All he could hear was stupid club music. All he could see were blurs of lights and glimpses of the night outside. All he could feel was Vince's leg against his leg, their fingers touching on the safety bar. He could hear him screaming like a little kid and as one of the disco lights passed over his face, the happiness glowed from his eyes, that made this torture worth it in Howard's opinion, he inadvertently let out a scream as it was spun again.

By the time the ride was finished Howard felt like he's never be able to see straight again. Vince got out easily and helped a dizzy Howard through the same hell he's been put through getting onto the ride. In his mind he cursed all objects that weren't fixed in place.

"Awww, that was great, wasn't it Howard? Howard? Howard?" Vince looked behind him and spotted Howard sat on the steps. He went back to him and plonked himself down next to him.

"Come on mate, you'll be fine you just gotta walk it off, I'll help ya" Vince stood up and pulled Howard up with him. He linked his arm through Howard's and for once he didn't protest to his touch.

Howard was silent for a few paces and then his mind cleared, thinking about it now, it hadn't been as bad as he thought it'd be. He'd rather enjoyed it actually, after the shock wore off. Vince was still grinning like the Cheshire Cat and he found himself smiling as he looked over at him.

"What shall we go on now then?" Howard asked deciding that he was going to enjoy this night as much as he could. He'd proved to himself he could go on these fearful rides and come off them in one piece and the joy it gave Vince was starting to spread through the jazz maverick bones.

For the next few hours Vince darted from ride to ride dragging Howard with him, Howard would always be nervous until the ride started and then he'd let the adrenaline they created flow through him. On a few occasions he'd even scream along with all the other people on the ride. He surprised himself with how much fun this could be when he let himself enjoy it.

"It's nearly closing time, Vince, and we've only got £1 left each anyway, so this'll be our last ride" Howard said as he pulled the last of their money out of his pocket. Vince's face fell and he looked around him at all the rides. To him that was like someone dangling kittens off a cliff and then being asked which one not to drop. It broke his heart. His eyes caught the glowing sign right at the back of the fair, it was that new ride that he'd heard about, he'd have to go on that.

"Let's go on Body Heat!" Vince said pointing at it in the distance. It was a monstrously sized glowing row of seats. It couldn't be any worse than anything else he'd been on.

They got to the paying booth and Vince put down their money.

"Alright, darling?" said the man behind the glass.

"I'm alright mate, you?" Vince smiled, he never got bored of the look on blokes faces when they realise that they've just tried to chat up a bloke.

"Errr fine" Vince heard him reply as he raced down the metal runway to get himself a seat. Howard followed him and sat in the seat next to Vince. At least on this ride their legs were separated, he wouldn't have to worry about the sparks that filled his mind whenever Vince's accidentally touched him. Not that Vince noticed, he would always be having too much of a good time.

"Why are we waiting Howard?" Vince asked in an 'are we there yet' kind of tone.

"They're probably waiting to see if anyone else wants to get on" Howard explained to a pouting Vince.

"Well, that sucks. We've had a good time though haven't we?"

"Yeah, it was better than I would have predicted"

"See I told you you'd love it, all that fuss you made before I was worried you wouldn't go on anything."

"Yeah, the rides weren't even scary after a while to be honest. I didn't need you to hold my hand once" Howard laughed but Vince looked a bit distant.

"Yeah, shame really"

"What do you…ahhhhhhhhhhh" Howard couldn't finish his sentence because the were suddenly travelling upwards, the whole row of seats swung round clockwise on their arms until they were back where they started. Then they did it again. And again. Howard felt his stomach drop every time the ride went down and wasn't sure he was gonna enjoy this ride as much as the others. He wasn't even entirely sure that he could keep the candyfloss Vince had talked him into sharing with him earlier down.

"Vince?" Howard looked over at Vince and for once he seemed miles away, trapped behind his own safety bar.

"Alright?" Vince asked leaning out to look at Howard.

"Ermm, not really" Howard stammered out.

Vince's hand left the metal bar and grasped Howard's and for once Howard was glad for the contact.

"I told you I'd hold your hand" Vince said with a smile, not the mocking one from earlier just a smile.

"Mmm" was about all Howard could manage. He could feel Vince tracing little circles on his hand with his thumb and he closed his eyes and focused on that. It didn't really help but it took his mind off the sick feeling in his throat.

Then it stopped. The ride, not the sick feeling.

"Thank fuck for that!" Howard breathed but still didn't open his eyes, he'd need a second to compose himself.

"Err Howard?" Vince said from next to him.

"What?"

"The ride isn't over" Vince whispered

"Yes it has, we've stopped…" Howard opened his eyes. The ride had stopped but not on the ground.

"Don't worry, mate, I'll have it back running in a second!" a voice from below called.

"Vince, why are we in mid-air?"

"Well, we're sorta broken down, I think…"

"Fuck!"

"Look, don't worry, it'll be fine" Vince shhh'd him and squeezed his hand. "I'm here, aren't I?"

"Yeah, great Vince but that doesn't change the fact we're trapped in a stupid ride, at night, in the air with nobody else here." Howard said, getting hysterical.

"It's not that bad is it? Look at all the lights, they're pretty and it's just us so it's kind of nice, kind of…."

Did he dare say it?

"…romantic"

Howard wasn't even listening though, he was still mumbling to himself.

"Howard?"

"I don't want to die on a fairground ride…."

"Howard, Howard, Howard, Howard…" Vince tried to get his attention.

"I've got so much to give"

"Howard!" Vince shouted.

Howard turned his head to face him and as soon as he did Vince grabbed his face with his free hand and pulled him towards him. Vince took a deep breath, not caring that he'd probably regret this in a minutes time, closing his eyes, he kissed Howard.

It was rather awkward, trying to kiss someone when you're trapped in your seat but Vince tried his best. Howard didn't push him off, but he didn't kiss him back either. It was just like on the roof, he let himself be kissed, just sat there like a deer caught in headlights.

The only reaction he made was squeezing Vince's hand, not painfully but just like Vince had done a few minutes ago. It was almost like he was more scared of this than he had been of the ride. Then he felt Howard's mouth move slightly against his. A fraction of a second later the world around them plummeted, the ride had started again and the movement caused them their heads to bang together.

"Owwwww" Vince said rubbing his head. Howard just stared forward. He didn't even notice when the ride made one final turn before stopping. As soon as the safety bars were raised he climbed out without a word and walked off. Vince hurried to get out and started after him.

"Sorry about that mate, doesn't normally happen"

"Yeah, yeah, no worries, I gotta go" Vince replied to the man distractedly.

Usually in a situation like this he'd leave Howard to it, give him some space. That's what he'd done after the party but this time was different. This time he's kissed back. Admittedly only for a fraction of a second but who knew what would have happened if the moment hadn't been ruined. That possibility, that fraction of a second was one that Vince knew was worth fighting for. That's what made him chase after Howard.


	5. Chapter 5

"Howard! Howard, wait!" Vince yelled at the back of his best friend, before jogging up to him. Their footsteps fell into the same rhythm even though Howard was walking faster than any same human being could manage.

"Howard, Howard, Howard" Vince tried at few more times before sighing and changing his approach.

"Will you just stop? Or at least bloody talk to me!" Still no response.

"Fine then!" Vince stopped and sat down on the curb.

Howard made it about ten more paces before stopping and looking round.

"Why are you doing this Vince?" He asked, no emotion on his face, just blankness.

"Doing what?" Vince shivered against the cold night air but did his best to suppress the shake in his voice.

"This" Howard gestured down at him "Any of this"

"I'm doing it so that you'll talk to me"

"I'll talk to you back at the flat, just get your arse up and stop making a tit of yourself"

"No!" It was meant to be a shout but it sounded like someone had shredded his vocal cords, probably all that screaming earlier. Probably.

He cleared his throat and tried again.

"No, because you won't"

"I will" It was a weak lie and Howard knew it, he'd go straight to his room and lock the door until all this madness had blown over and he'd go back to his daily routine, adding this to the growing list of memories he wouldn't let himself remember.

The problem was Vince knew he'd do that too, well the shutting himself in his room part. That was what was keeping him sat on the pavement. He knew this would probably be the only chance he had and he wasn't going to let that drop. He knew that he'd do whatever necessary. Even if it meant making a spectacle of himself. His image could be ruined and he wouldn't care at the moment.

"You won't, I know you Howard, it'll be just like bef…" Vince trailed off not realising what the words coming out of his mouth meant until they were painted in front of him. Always the same reaction. Vince didn't know what this meant but he wasn't sure he wanted to play that card just yet, not until he was sure he understood.

Howard's mind was working overtime too, the way he saw it was that he'd either have to full out lie to Vince, admit something he wasn't even happy about admitting to himself or leave him there sat on the curb.

The first was unthinkable. What would he say. How could he say it without having to change how he behaved, without ruining their friendship, without hurting Vince.

Then of course, the second was unthinkable. He'd done it twice now, same reaction every time and same hurt every time. He couldn't put himself through that again. He wasn't even sure their friendship could take another blow like that.

So that left the third, which was…well…unthinkable. He couldn't leave Vince. He knew how stubborn Vince is, once he had an idea in his head he'd see it through. He'd probably sit there until someone physically dragged him up and sent him packing. Either that or the next morning he'd wake up on the curb and not even remember why he was there. Still didn't change the fact he'd stay out all night, just to prove his point. He didn't even have a jacket. He'd freeze to death. Unthinkable.

He'd just have to implore to Vince's sense of humanity. Or pride. Pride being the more likely of the two.

"Look Vince, I don't want to make a massive scene in the middle of a cold street, at night, with drunk teenagers gawping at us and I doubt you want that either. And if you sit here any longer you'll turn into an ice sculpture. So take this…" He began to take his jacket off as he continued speaking "and we'll go home and have a cuppa and then talk, alright?" Howard struggled out of the arms of his jacket and then offered a hand down to Vince.

Vince took the jacket but not the hand. He didn't put it on though, he just let it rest across his lap.

"You promise?" He couldn't bring his eyes up to meet Howard so he didn't see the conflict that passed through them. The first emotion that he'd shown since he'd got of the ride.

"Would I lie to you?" If he was completely honest with himself he didn't even know the answer to that. He really didn't know what would happen as soon as they walked through their door.

"Hmmm" Vince wasn't convinced but he couldn't do much else to get out of this corner he'd been backed into. He got up still ignoring Howard's hand and looked at the jacket.

"Does it have to be corduroy?" Vince sighed to himself as he wrapped it round his shoulders.

They walked back in silence, both of them not wanting to think about what would or what could happen in a few minutes time but knowing they should at least try to sort out something to say. They both felt like they were being asked to cut off their legs to stop themselves dying. They knew it had to be done but they didn't want to face the pain. The more Howard thought about it, the more he'd rather cut off his leg.

As the Nabootique sign got closer, the tension between them got thicker and thicker.

Vince knew Howard would never live up to his promise and as much as Vince wanted to cling onto the conversation he wanted them to have, he knew it was unlikely that he could force Howard to listen to him.

It was then a light bulb illuminated in Vince's head, well more like a string of fairy lights but the point still stands. What if he did force Howard to listen? He'd reacted to the submissive if not passive method Vince had used earlier, so it was worth a try. But you know, editing it a bit.

Now he knew what he was gonna do he just had to figure out what he was going to say.

As soon as Howard had the door open, Vince bolted up the stars and moved fast, putting his plan into action. His heart beat fast like a teenager who was trying to hide from a serial killer or a child who'd broken a vase and was trying to hide the pieces before his parents got home. He was surprised at how strong he could be when the occasion called for it. Pleased with his work he sat down on the sofa, got his breath back and waited for Howard to catch him up.

As Howard walked up the stairs, he hoped Vince had either thought better of their talking or simply lost his nerve. Of course, he nothing was ever that easy but even that enlightenment didn't prepare him for what he saw. As the sight that stood before him slowly sank in Howard had to admit Vince was persistent.

"Vince?"

"Mmmm-hmmm?" Was all he replied, no explanation, nothing.

"Why is the sofa in front of my bedroom door?"

"So you can't lock yourself in there"

"Right…what if I climbed over it"

"The door opens outwards, all you'd succeed in would be getting your ankles pinched"

Howard mentally cursed the door, the builders, the designers and everyone that was ever involved in the making of a house.

"Great, so I'm trapped out here, what good will that do?"

"Well…you'll just have to talk to me, won't you?"

Howard mumbled something that Vince couldn't make out.

"Once again, I didn't catch that"

"I can't" Howard said again through clenched teeth.

Throughout this whole conversation Vince had managed to keep his voice even and his head clear but as he saw the fear that passed through Howard's eyes something inside him snapped. Why couldn't he? If he could do it, then why couldn't Howard. Whatever it was that he kept bottled up couldn't be so shameful that he couldn't even tell his best friend about it. He was sick of being left in the dark, he was just as scared of talking as Howard was, he would admit that but he still tried. All these thoughts suddenly overflowed and the boundary between thoughts and words broke. He jumped up off the sofa and just let them flow out.

"Why can't you Howard? I can manage it. I always do. It's always me that comes to you. Always me that picks up the pieces. Always me that makes the first move. It's always me who is honest and open and then you just throw it back in my face. It's always me that has to try Howard and I'm sick of it. I don't understand why you can't talk to me, why you hide away, why you close yourself off from me. I have feelings as well you know and it fucking kills me that I have to bottle things up like you do because otherwise you'll throw a div and shut me out. I know that I can't be what I want to be to you because you'd never let me." He paused for breath, tears streaking down his face, his anger was starting to break down and it took all his defensives with it.

"But I know it's there, something's there and at least I admit it. You complain about nobody loving you, well maybe that's because you don't let them. They try and they fucking try and every time they are denied. Wake up Howard, I fucking lo…I….fuck it, I don't even know why I'm bothering."

The last few words had been said as he'd stormed to his room and they were immediately followed by a door slamming. Vince paced his room, pulled out the first CD he could find and blasted it through his speakers. He didn't even walk to his bed. He just sank to the floor where he was stood and sat there, his knee's drawn up to his chest and his head leaning back against the wood of the chest of draws behind him. His whole body shaking with the power of his sobs, he didn't hear the dragging of the sofa outside, he couldn't even hear the lyrics of the song he had put on to cover the sound of his tears, it was almost like he was drowning in them. But then maybe it was a good thing he wasn't paying attention to them.

_I've been roaming around _

_Always looking down at all I see_

_Painted faces fill the places I can't reach_

_You know that I could use somebody_

_Someone like you…_


	6. Chapter 6

He'd calmed down eventually, his head pounding still but he didn't think he could cry anymore. He turned off the music, took off his jeans and got in bed. In the morning it'd be better. He knew it would.

He slept longer than he thought he would but wasn't surprised when the clock by his bed informed him it was only 4 in the morning. He chucked the covers off him, stood slowly and shivered in the cold. His heart told him too go back to bed and never get out of it again. But his head told him to get up because he, unlike Howard, knew that shutting himself away wouldn't solve anything. He had to face up to this. He had to face up to Howard. And he'd probably have to face up to his feelings.

He shivered again, the thin top from last night wasn't doing him any favours, neither were the pink pants he had on to match it. Tea. A nice cuppa tea. Vince stretched and looked down at his jeans on the floor, glaring at them slightly. He didn't fancy spending the next ten minutes fighting a battle with the tight denim and he cursed himself for not having anything looser at hand that didn't look like it had been dipped into a young girls arts and crafts collection.

He checked everything was where it should be in his tiny pants and walked over to the door, steeling himself for the cold he knew would hit him. The cold however wasn't what hit him as he stepped out of his room.

"Owww, shit!" Vince hopped around holding his knee for a second before he realised what he just done.

He just walked into…

"What the…"

The sofa.

Outside his door.

Vince sighed.

Payback for last night he guessed. He was momentarily glad his door opened the right way, unlike Howard's.

"Argg, Howard you…" Vince put his hands on the side of the sofa and attempted to give it a shove. It was miles heavier than last night. He glanced down and blinked a few times to make sure he wasn't imagining things.

"Howard?"

There he was, stretched out on the sofa, saxophone duvet cover and all, his head on the hard arm of the sofa. He'd feel that in the morning. Vince smiled down at him, he knew he should be pissed off after all last night but he couldn't be, it was like asking a child to hate The Easter Bunny.

Just like last night he ran to the cupboard but this time he pulled out a pillow, only causing a small avalanche in the process.

He eased the pillow under Howard's head absentmindedly stroking Howard's thin hair as he did so. Unfortunately this slight touch caused him to stir in his sleep.

"Hmmm Vince" Howard's eyes didn't open though so Vince just moved back slightly and kept his mouth shut.

"Love you" Howard rolled onto his back, accidentally knocking the pillow to the floor.

_What? What?! WHAT!  
_

Vince jumped up and started pacing, as though he thought that the floorboards would give him some answers.

_After all that last night. Why is he doing this?_

Vince nearly tripped over the pillow and a few seconds later it found itself flying through the air to the other side of the room. He wasn't mad, he was just frustrated. And confused. And tired. And why was Howard denying it to him and then…

"What do you think you're doing, you ball bag?" Naboo stuck his head out from behind his door, holding up the pillow. Vince guessed he must have hit his door.

"Oh, sorry Naboo, I was just….I was…" Vince couldn't remember for the life of him why he was up.

"You were just what? Playing how much I can annoy Naboo before he's to high to care" There was a smirk on his face though so Vince could tell he wasn't actually pissed off. He tried at a smile but his heart wasn't really in it and Naboo could tell.

"What's up Vince?" He asked, lisp making his worried tone even more adorable.

"Hmmm nothing" Vince thought for a second about telling him but what good could come of it.

"Alright. I know you're lying but alright. Why's Howard on the sofa? And why's it there?"

"Dunno, he was there before I came out here" It wasn't technically a lie, Vince still didn't know why he was there. Vince left Howard's side and walked over to Naboo's door so they didn't wake Howard.

"Right, well I'll wake him up and tell him to move his arse then"

"Don't!" Vince held out an arm to stop him.

"Why?" Naboo raised an eyebrow at the sudden lack of faked indifference that Vince had been showing.

"Errr….no reason. I just think you should let him sleep, that's all."

"Yeah right"

"Alright, I don't want him to know that I was out here, that I heard…" Vince trailed off, he still didn't want to say what was on his mind.

"Heard?" Naboo pressed.

"Look, Naboo will you do me a favour?"

"You won't listen if I go through the whole noble causes thing again will you?"

"Not really, no, but it is…sorta….for a noble cause"

"And that noble cause is?"

Vince hesitated, he knew it was gonna sound mental if he didn't explain but he didn't want to tell Naboo about how he felt yet. He'd told Howard and that had been a disaster. What would Naboo think? He'd probably just laugh at him.

"I don't wanna say" Vince stalled.

"Then it can't be that important can it? Night" He pretended to close his door, knowing that'd get Vince to tell him. Worked like a charm too because as soon as Vince saw the door begin to close he felt a strange panic creep up in his stomach.

"Alright, I'll tell you. You remember when I got that Jazz Virus thingy and you had to look inside my mind and check it was all still right and nothing was in the wrong place and stuff? Well I thought maybe you could look inside Howard's head and tell me why he's keeps freaking out whenever I…do anything"

"Right……." Naboo prompted him to continue.

"Because he's confusing me and being all shut off from me and stuff when I try to talk to him and then I hear him talking in his sleep and it's like he does want me but if I ask him he just laughs at me"

"That was possibly the worst articulated speech I've ever heard" Naboo smirked again.

"You should have heard the one last night" Vince said half to himself, words always seemed harder when he didn't really want to say them but he knew he had to.

"I did, we'd just got back from our gig five minutes before hand, we were putting our stuff away"

"Oh" Vince looked down, he hadn't really wanted anyone, not even Howard really, to hear what he'd said.

"Anyways, can you help?" Vince looked up into Naboo's eyes, half pleading with him.

"Why should I?"

"Ermm….I'll stop using that magic shampoo you got last week"

"Deal, but I dare you to actually admit it"

"Admit what?"

"That you love Howard" Naboo laughed.

"What? How do you…" Vince stammered, he'd done his best to keep that little secret to himself.

"Everyone knows. Well cept Howard., he's just as naïve as you are"

"What do you mean?"

"Oh for heaven's sake Vince, it's obvious. I'll look and tell you what's in his head this once but after that it's up to you to figure him out."

With that Naboo looked over to Howard and then shut his eyes.

"Don't you have to be like…over there or nearer or something?"

"Vince! Shut up!"

"Alright, alright, I was only asking"

There were a few seconds silence before Naboo spoke again.

"What a ball bag! He's shutting everything out, even to himself. Vince?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you think of anything that Howard wouldn't let himself think about or let himself remember?"

"Nope, not that I know of"

"Right, I'll have to make him think about it then…..ooooh I didn't need to see that"

"See what?"

No answer…

"Naboo! See what?!"

"Oh Ermm…he's all delusional, it was you two on a ride at the fair"

"That's not delusional, we went yesterday"

"Oh yeah, I know, it's just what you were doing that he was imagining. He was thinking about you two kissing, it was quite disturbing actually"

"Yeah, that's not delusional either" Vince said quietly.

"Right, yeah so for whatever reason he's trying to repress that memory, not that I blame him I'd like to repress it too…owww!"

"Oww" he heard Howard jump slightly on the sofa but when Vince looked over to him he was still asleep.

Vince hadn't meant to slap Naboo, it just kinda happened. It wasn't violent or anything, just a reaction. It must have gone through to Howard too.

"So what am I gonna do?" Vince asked turning back to Naboo.

"Well, stop slapping me for a start or I won't help you"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to I just…"

"Yeah, whatever, just find a way to get him to stop repressing his thoughts and you'll be good to go"

"Thank you! How do I get him to stop though?"

"Work that out for yourself, I'm going back to bed, you should do the same"

Vince shrugged and turned back towards his door, pretending that he was going back to bed. As soon as he heard Naboo's door close he stopped and crouched down by Howard.

How could he get him to stop trying to forget these moments he had with him, if he didn't even know why he was trying to forget them? He couldn't talk to Howard because he'd clam up. He'd just have to keep pushing his campaign until Howard had no choice but to remember.

Vince leant forward on his toes and kissed Howard's forehead gently, being careful not to wake him and went back to bed.

He laid in bed for the next five minutes plotting how he could prove himself.

Then a thought struck him.

Tea.

That's why he had been up.

Oh well, too late now.


	7. Chapter 7

When Howard woke up he was glad the living room was empty.

He didn't know what had possessed him to sleep on the sofa just outside Vince's door. He wanted to prove a point he supposed but what exactly would he achieve by sleeping?

He got up and with a heavy head (his neck was killing him) and a heavy heart he took his duvet back to his room. He hadn't really gotten that much sleep on the sofa and he considered going back to bed and not getting out of it for a few hours. His sense of responsibility stopped him. He'd have to open up the shop. The lack of sleep mixed with how confused his brain was at the moment meant he was more than a little distracted. This was his reason for not seeing the electro fairy, more commonly known as Vince, perched cross-legged on his bed reading Cheekbone, until he'd nearly dropped the duvet in his lap.

"What you doing?" Vince shrieked jumping back on Howard's bed.

"Me? What are you doing?" Howard asked dropping the duvet where Vince had been a few seconds ago, partly to drive away the observation that you could still see the dent in the mattress where his arse had been. Not a good way for Howard to start his day. After that he just stood, staring at Vince without a clue what was happening. Vince had never, to his knowledge, been in his room before and he liked it that way. Not that he had anything to hide. No, sir. Well, not anywhere that Vince could find it.

"Well, you weren't using it were you? So I thought I'd just…hang" Vince straightened up and closed his magazine.

"Why?" Howard asked, why anyone would _just hang _in someone else's room, with no reasonable reason was beyond him.

"Nothing better to do, there weren't no point in opening up shop coz you were still asleep and Naboo and Bollo have buggered off so I thought I'd just chill in here" To a certain point that was true.

He'd gotten up this morning and gone through his daily routine, clamoured over a still sleeping Howard in order to get to the shower and then performed the slightly, no scratch that, Imuch/I harder task of climbing back over him in a towel, still dripping, so that he could get dressed. God knows what anyone who had walked into their living room at that point would have thought of a practically naked man balancing on the side of a sofa clinging for dear life to his towel and effectively his dignity.

He probably would have given up on the towel if he wasn't so scared of Howard waking up. That was possibly the weirdest thing to be woken up by, Vince decided. He'd managed it eventually, causing himself another bruise by falling off the back but he'd done it without waking anyone so he deemed it a success.

After that his day had gone by pretty slowly, he couldn't watch TV because Howard still occupied their only sofa and even he got bored of being in his own room after a few hours. It was after he's fixed himself a lunch, something Howard doesn't normally trust him with because his inventions would give Heston Blumenthal a run for his money, he started to get the urge to be around Howard and seeing as the man himself was still asleep, he did the next best thing and went and sat in his room. Just absorbing everything that was Howard. Well and maybe having a sneaky rummage in his draws. Not that he found anything exciting.

Then he settled down with Cheekbone and read to himself, oddly comforted by the smell of Howard on the sheets that he was sat on. That, of course took his thoughts away from what he was innocently trying to read on the page, to images that weren't as innocent. Not that he'd do anything in Howard's room. If Howard found out he'd kill him. He was awfully tempted though and luckily for Howard that was when he'd nearly smothered Vince in his duvet, completely shocking him out of his train of thought. And now here he was attempting to explain his presence in a way that didn't make him sound like a stalker.

"Yeah, that's what I meant. Why in here? You've got your own room, full of glittery…boas and other stuff that's more _you_. I'm surprised you haven't had an allergic reaction to just being around so much Anti-Vince stuff."

Vince looked around. True he was surrounded by plain walls, the only contrasts to the beige wallpaper being posters of people Vince presumed were Howard's jazz heroes. Under any other circumstance this would be his idea of hell but somehow, maybe because he'd chosen to be in here, it wasn't half as bad as it sounded. It was bearable because it was Howard's.

"No reason, just wanted a change of scenery. If it bothers you I'll go, y'know seeing as you've moved off the sofa, I can watch TV out there" Vince shrugged and got up, hopping off the end of the bed. He didn't know why he did it but the next few moves he made were like his mind wasn't in control of his body, but his instincts told him to do it.

"Anyways, you're not Anti-Vince" He whispered to Howard, who was still in a bit of a sleepy daze, as he walked past. He paused and put his hands on his forearms, kissing him on the cheek. Just a gentle kiss, like one between a married couple leaving for work in the morning.

"Laters, Howard" Vince said, letting go off his arms and walking into their living room. He dared cast a look back to Howard and he was just standing there, open mouthed and staring. Vince decided that was an improvement to the running away. He plonked himself down on the sofa, which Howard had thankfully returned to it's usual spot and turned the TV on. A few minutes later he could feel eyes on him. He looked round. It was Howard, he was leaning out of his door slightly but when he saw Vince he turned a deep shade of magenta and shut the door.

"Definitely an improvement" Vince thought to himself, smiling.


	8. Chapter 8

Vince lay in bed, fiddling with the material below him. He knew he wouldn't be able to stay awake much longer but he need some time to process what had just happened. Well the whole week really. It had been a shocker, all engineered by him of course but still strange to go through.

_And it had all been for nothing._

Vince bit the end of his thumb, that wasn't any way to think. It was true though. Everything over the last few days was pointless. Well pointless and kind of fun but still…pointless.

-x-

The morning of the first day he decided that shocking Howard into realising that he was loved after all was not going to get him anywhere. He should have know that by now. But he'd never tried subtly hinting at it, well subtlety wasn't exactly what Vince was known for. But everything was worth a shot.

He started with dropping "love" on the ends of any sentence that was addressed to Howard. Of course that took a while to be noticed because he normally dropped a few pet names into the conversation every once in a while to keep the mood sweet. It was when it got to the "Do you want a cup of tea, love? Could you pass the sugar, love? Here you go, love" that Howard asked him if he was quite alright.

"First class and yourself?" He replied, bringing out that teasing smile that nowadays was reserved for Camden dollies and the occasional times he had to actually go to the effort to chat someone up.

He got nothing but a "Yeah…fine" in return but that was to be expected. Any other day he'd have seen that as a response and a half but he could see the distance in it and was somewhat disappointed.

All day he made tea and offered biscuits, he even let Howard pick what to watch on TV after work ("Wild Moths and Their Habitats" He was really getting into moths recently). He also tried his best not to act shallow or light headed (or was it air headed?). He knew this was one of the many things that annoyed Howard on a day to day basis and he was trying to avoid that.

In short he was being the perfect angel, well the perfect housemate, no… the perfect friend. This thought brought a proud glow to his mind and he even giggled when that little voice in his head said "Actually the perfect… wife!" and as he delivered what felt like his sixteenth mug of tea to Howard and flopped down on the sofa next to him, probably a little to close than Howard's personal space barriers would have liked, he thought to himself "Maybe being his wife wouldn't be half bad"

He carried on with his little flirts the next day but he didn't seem to be making any progress. Except for the obligatory "Are you feeling alright Vince?".

He should really help out more often then people wouldn't take the piss when he did. Even Bollo noticed.

"Why precious Vince do washing up, Bollo's job"

"No reason, I just felt like it"

"Vince wash up and Bollo caught Harold was smiling earlier. What world coming to?"

He wandered off, probably to get high with Naboo now that he was freed of his housework duties. The words took a while to sink in anyway. What had Howard been smiling about? Why hadn't he seen Howard smiling?

-x-

On the morning of the third day Vince decided to step it up a bit. Part of him needed the control back and the other part was just plain impatient. It was Naboo that gave him the idea. He'd stumbled into the living room, while Vince was having his breakfast, holding a tangle of fairy lights.

"You don't think you could put these up for me?" Naboo waved the fairy lights in Vince's direction.

"Yeah…I'm up for redecorating this place as much as the next man but with fairy lights? I don't see Howard loving that concept"

"No, you idiot, it's for tonight. It's Bollo's birthday"

"Oooooh, genius! Big party, lot's of booze, are you gonna do your pun…" Vince was cut short by Naboo.

"Nah, he's like Howard "No party…just Bollo's friends" So as far as I figure that means him, you and me and the trusty hookah…"

"What about Howard? You can't not invite him!"

"All right, chill will you? I doubt he'll wanna come anyway"

"So? You can't just leave him out…it's not fair is it?"

"Fine fine, invite him then. Might be a good thing actually"

"Oh and why's that?"

"Because with enough alcohol down your two throats, maybe one of you will grow enough balls to tell the other how you feel. Now go get dressed and put these up before Bollo gets up"

With that Naboo dropped the fairy lights into Vince's lap and headed for the stairs.

Vince looked around the room, what exactly was he meant to do with nothing but a string of fairy lights? In the end he decided that he'd hook one end through the curtain pole and wrap the other end round a lamp that was in the opposite corner and improvise the rest.

He dragged a chair over to the curtains and started threading them through as best he could. He then moved the chair to the centre of the room and, knowing he'd probably regret this if it ended up causing a fire, he looped the lights around the lampshade. He was rather please with his craftsmanship so far. Of course, it was about then he realised that he was stuck. He couldn't get down without dropping the lights… which would effectively pull down the lampshade, the light bulb and probably a good proportion of the ceiling with it. Bugger. Naboo had gone out. Bollo wasn't meant to see anything until it was finished. Only one option left really.

"Howard?"

… silence.

"Howard?"

"Howard!"

"HowardHowardHowardHowardHowardHowardHowardHoward"

"HOWARD!"

"What?" Howard finally poked his head round his door. Vince must have woken him because he was still in his pjs, his hair was unbrushed and all over the place. Vince bit his lip and placed his free hand on the ceiling to stop himself falling off the chair. Nothing had ever had that effect on him before, especially not a rather messy looking man who looked like he should still be in bed…just not alon…

"Vince!" Howard yelled at him, bringing Vince back down to earth though luckily without the bump. He took a deep intake of breath and tried his best not to flush.

"What? Oh yeah, right, couldn't lend us a hand could you?"

"Does it by any chance have anything to do with the fairy lights you've got?"

"Well, yeah…"

"Thought it would. What exactly is the problem?"

"Err, sorta stuck up here and I can't get down without putting the lights down."

"Well, put the lights down then. Did you really need me to tell you that Vince?"

"No no, I can't because I wrapped them round the lamp so if I drop them the weight will rip everything down. I'm between a rock and a hard … er rock?"

"Place. Why did you wrap it around the light Vince?"

"Coz I was just left with these and nothing to put them up with, so I thought if I put them on the light then put the end on the lamp over there and it would all look nice and everything would be good but then I got trapped up here and so I can't finish it and it's just not good! ………..What?"

Howard was trying his best not to break into a smile but failing dramatically. Nobody in the world could turn being stuck on a chair into a world crisis like Vince could.

As soon as Vince noticed the smile that was creeping to the edge of Howard's lips he began to pout.

"It's not funny!" And that was the end of Howard's attempt not to laugh.

As soon as he'd calmed down he made his way to Vince.

"Oh, you silly banana tartlet, what do you want me to do?"

After the final dregs of laughter had washed away, Vince realised where Howard had stood and what with the height difference between them now…well, lets just say anyone that came in room at that second would definitely get the wrong idea. He could tell from the sharp intake of breath he heard a few seconds later that Howard had realised the same thing. The fact Vince was wearing one of his lowest cut pairs of hipster skinnys and one of those tight tops that happen to ride up when you reach up to far, just like he was doing now, exposing a fair amount of flesh. Vince did his best to clear his thoughts and remembered that he'd been asked a question.

"Ermm" he cleared his throat, cursing his dry mouth as he licked his lips, doing his best to look straight ahead.

"Just take this a sec" He was forced to look down at Howard, who like he had been was doing his best to look in another direction. Vince noticed his cheeks getting a shade more pink than usual as he looked up at Vince and held out his hand for the string of lights. Their fingers brushed for the slightest of seconds and Vince felt his cheeks gain heat too, hopefully you wouldn't be able to tell under the amount of foundation he'd put on earlier this morning.

"Cheers, Howard" he smiled awkwardly avoiding Howard's eyes.

"No worries, couldn't leave you up there like a damsel in distress, could I?" Howard smiled looking as uncomfortable as a kangaroo in the Artic. Vince however felt a real smile creep to his lips.

"Does that make you my knight in shining armour then?" he regretted saying it a few seconds later, realising how cheesy it had sounded. Luckily Howard went with it.

"Well knight in shining pyjamas…are you gonna stay up there all day then?"

"Oh yeah, right…" Vince was mentally kicking himself as hard as he could, trying to kick thoughts out of his brain, trying to kick some sense into it and most of all trying to kick it into gear. He shouldn't be so turned on just by someone standing there, should he? Surely that wasn't normal? He got off the chair and picked up the other end of the lights, not looking Howard in the eye. It was a good job he'd still had some control over his body otherwise from where Howard had been stood, his feeling could have been made extremely obvious. Thank heavens for small mercies, eh?

Vince tied the lights round the lamp and then watched it topple over with the pressure.

"Try weighing it down"

"Hmm" Vince mused looking round the room, before picking up a stack of books from a nearby shelf. He'd have to spread them round the base of the lamp to keep it upright. Only problem was that involved bending over, almost in a receptionist-dropping-her-files-on-purpose-to-get-the-boss's-attention kinda way and you could already feel the tension in the room like it was a living creature. He bent down, sorted the books out as quickly as he could and then straitened up. Any right thinking person would have seen this as him teasing Howard but to Vince it felt more like he was teasing himself more. And that was killing him.

That was when he remembered his promise to invite Howard to the party, now would be the best time to ask. He could gradually drop it into the conversation, what with the lights and everything. So why did the thought fill him with butterflies and make him palms start to sweat. All he had to do was get Howard to bring up the lights and the job was half done for him. He took what felt like his millionth deep breath since Howard had come in the room and clear his throat.

"So what do you think?"

"Very pretty, why do we look like we're in the middle of a Christmas tree though?"

_Bingo!_ Vince thought, now all he had to do was ask him and everything would be fine and he'd be able to breath normally again.

"Oh yeah, it's Bollo's party later, it's gonna be genius, just us four and some wine and maybe a DVD or something."

"Oh, Nobody told me about it"

"Don't worry I only got told this morning…" Another deep breath "You will come though won't you?"

"Oh, well it's jazzercise tonight…"

Vince prepared to pout and bat his eyelashes but he didn't need to.

"…but I guess I can miss it this one, for you, I mean for Bollo's birthday. So yeah, I better get ready"

"But Howard…" _it's only half nine in the morning..._

Too late he'd retreated to his room. Vince grabbed the glass from the table drained it of the pineapple juice he'd been drinking, shook the last drops into the sink and dashed to his room.

Yesterday night he'd moved his bed up against the wall for this very reason, he wanted to know why it was Howard ran off and shutting himself in his room. He pressed the glass up against the wall and strained to hear anything.

All he heard was a distant door slam and Naboo calling his name.

"Vince? What are you doing!" Naboo had made it to Vince's door.

"Shhhhhhh! I'm trying to find out what Howard's doing" he put my ear back to the glass and decided it must be a myth what people said about glasses and walls.

"You know there are easier ways, y'know" Naboo rolled his eyes and closed the door.

Now that there wasn't any outside noise he cold pick up a quiet but familiar sound.

_Chinese burns… of course._

Great, he inspired anger. Vince was sat back on his bed. He didn't really know what he'd been expecting but he'd wanted it to be something more interesting than that. He heard a door open and looked up. His was still closed, must be somewhere else in the flat.

"Ergghhh…I did NOT need to see that!" Naboo's voice floated through the wall.

Vince sat up, his attention caught.

"Haven't you heard of knocking!" He heard Howard shout.

_Hold on… that couldn't have been… he wasn't…it couldn't…oh my god I bet he was_

Vince jumped off his bed and flung the door open.

"What's with all the shouting?" Vince asked, looking as innocent as he could.

Howard was stood just outside his door, the complete opposite of innocent looking, Vince didn't think he'd ever seen Howard so red in the face and guilty looking and Naboo stood by the sink pouring himself what looked like a very stiff drink.

Howard's eyes met with Vince's and he, proving that it was in fact possible, went a few shades redder and ran back in his room.

"Naboo?" Vince attempted to get the small shamans attention away from the drink he was holding.

"You don't even wanna know…well you probably do but I'm gonna need enough therapy as it is" He necked the drink and shuddered, either from it's strength or whatever it was he was trying to repress.

He left Naboo to it, knowing he wouldn't get anything more out of him, not until he'd had at least five of those drinks. He knocked on Howard's door.

"What?" he heard Howard yell from inside the door, he chanced opening it.

"Just checking you're alright? Y'know not blown a fuse or anything"

Vince watched him carefully as he answered and looked for anything to confirm his suspicion.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Naboo just… don't worry it doesn't matter, I…overreacted. I'm fine. Naboo didn't say anything did he?" A nervous look flashed into his eyes mixed with embarrassment.

_Oh yeah…he so was!_

"Not a word, cheery-bye then…I'll leave you to what you were doing" Vince let out a small giggle as he turned to shut the door.

"Vince!"

"Hmm?" he turned back around and sure enough, Howard was as red as a tomato.

"You said Naboo didn't…"

"Nah, he didn't say nothing…but it don't take a genius to work it out, love."

"Oh…"

Vince had to hold back some serious hysterics, Howard was genuinely mortified that he'd been caught. He looked like a teenager who's mum had just walked in with the washing.

"Look Howard, chill out about it yeah? Everyone's been caught once or twice in their life, I've lost track of the amount of times I've been walked in on jacking off, seriously you just gotta learn to deal with it."

"That's not…

"Howard, it's only natural and everyone does it and shit. Trust me, it's normal, the sooner you accept it the less embarrassed you'll get. Now can I please laugh about this because if I don't I think my sides are gonna split."

"Yeah…sure" Howard faked a smile and tried to stop his eyes darting to the picture on his bedside table. The picture he'd been caught masturbating to. The picture of Vince.

-x-

It was probably a good thing that Bollo's party was that night, they could all do with getting pissed and/or high and forgetting all the tension and embarrassment of the day.

Bollo got home around 7, Naboo had got him three DJ sets so that he'd be out of the house most of the day. He loved the fairy lights and even said they looked like multi-coloured stars in a white sky. Which for Bollo was quite the sentiment.

Howard was quiet as usual and reluctant to chuck the wine down his throat as quickly as Naboo was doing. He was so far gone that when Howard reminded him about the idea of watching a DVD, he said "Yeah take the DVD player, I don't need it, it's all video nowadays, ain't it?"

Everyone chose a spot on the sofa (well Naboo was led on the floor) and Bollo picked out the DVD. King Kong. Not the new one either, Bollo still didn't know about that, but the realllllly old black and white one. Though Vince did admit it got more interesting the more you drank. He didn't really pay to much attention to it anyway. He was thinking instead but nobody noticed much that he was uncharacteristically quiet, he'd normally talk all the way through a film.

It wasn't long before Naboo was fast asleep and Bollo had given up on kicking him awake.

"I think tiny shaman and Bollo go bed now, night Vince…Harold"

Vince waited about three and a half minutes after Bollo had carried Naboo to their shared room before he turned to Howard.

"Can we_ please_ do something else now?" he implored Howard who looked like he was about to fall asleep himself, though through boredom than too much alcohol.

"Like what?" Howard asked. He's had the sum total of two glasses of wine. If Vince's plan was to stand a chance he'd need to get a lot more drunk than that.

"Let's make cocktails!"

"Oh god…"

"No, it'll be genius, I can make anything and we could have a laugh and play truth and dare and it'll be just like when we were teenagers!"

"Vince, I dunno…I've already had…"

"Hardly anything…come on! I dare you!" Vince raised an eyebrow. "Unless you're not up for it…you are starting to get old…" Vince knew that would work like a charm, it always did. Tonight was no exception.

"Fine! You're making the cocktails though"

"Ace! You can think of a truth or dare for me then" Howard sat down at the table while Vince made himself busy with the collection of bottles that were in the fridge.

Five minutes later he returned to the table carrying a blender full of light blue liquid.

"What's that called then?"

Vince looked down at the blender and shrugged.

"Errmmm… 'A-bit-of-everything-we've-got-and-lemonade-polooza' discovered by Vince Noir"

"And why is it blue?"

"Dunno…probably that blue stuff I put in it"

"Yeah, that could be it"

"Just drink it" Vince poured his concoction into two martini-like glasses, placed the blender back in its holder and passed a glass to Howard before sitting on the edge of the table, facing Howard with his legs dangling mere centimetres from his knees.

"Why do you care so much what people think of you?"

"Pardon?" Vince choked on his cocktail, one thing he wasn't expecting from adding more booze to Howard's bloodstream was deep meaning questions.

"That's your truth"

"Oh ermm… I just like it I guess." Vince thought about it while he sipped his cocktail, he'd made sure it was strong enough to have a reasonably quick effect, he knew to be careful with it. Howard however didn't.

"I like knowing that people love me I guess. I know that it's selfish but it makes me feel all warm inside knowing that there's always gonna be somebody that will fall over themselves just to be near me. That's why the whole Lance Dior thing hit me so hard. I realised it was the image people loved not me."

"Why do you still do it then?"

"It beats not being loved at all"

"Hey, hey , little man…you are loved" Vince was shocked when Howard raised his hand up to his face and stroked back some of his fringe. "And not for all the hair and make up and fashion either"

Vince looked into his eyes for a few seconds and wondered whether now would be the perfect time to tell him. But Howard's hand dropped from his face and a strange smile crossed his face.

"We need more cocktails before we start writing poetry" He laughed and took a large gulp of drink.

"Hmmm" Vince looked down. His decision had been made for him. The moment was gone.

"So what's my truth then?"

"Huh?" Vince had been lost in though and had kinda forgot what he was doing for a minute. It was strange, there was so many things he wanted to ask Howard but didn't have the guts to ask any of them. He decided to use a timeless classic.

"Who d'ya fancy?"

Howard laughed again. More or less with the same expression on his face. Vince was usually good at reading peoples faces but he'd never seen anyone look at him like that before. He wasn't convinced that was a good thing either.

"I was right earlier, you are just like a teenage girl…who do you fancy…what grown man says that?"

"I do, now stop sidestepping the question"

"I don't_ fancy_ anyone, I've told you before, when Howard Moon loves somebody its much deeper than that. It's something that he keeps inside and keeps to himself. They can never know, it would break the whole structure of the feeling. If they knew…reality would break the dream…" he drained his glass and shook his head "And he wouldn't be allowed to love them."

Vince closed his eyes as Howard was making his speech, absorbing the words and as he did so their meaning because dazzlingly clear. He was scared of rejection. That Vince'd make him forget his feelings. He felt a twinge of guilt stab at his heart as he remembered how he'd rejected him before, told him he was crazy. But it was different now, now he felt the same. That deep throbbing feeling in your stomach that your brain tells you is forbidden but your heart just won't listen. Now they both felt it.

_If we both feel it, why am I sat here like a lime doing nothing?_

Vince opened his eyes but Howard was gone. He heard clinking behind him. It's alright he was just pouring another drink.

_This is it. I'm gonna tell him. Just tell him. Just say it. Fuck the consequences._

He'd knew he probably should be a bit more cautious but he knew this was the only way he'd ever know for sure. He hoped, he prayed that he wouldn't regret this.

"Hey" He took a step towards Howard and rubbed a hand across one of Howard's shoulder blades.

"Don't touch me" Even more than slightly drunk Howard remembered his line, the one that never failed to put distance between him and everyone else. But tonight it was said with a smile and a bit of a giggle and Vince couldn't help but wonder if he'd said it just because that's what he always did. It was their routine, almost like a dance. Out would come the line and Vince would pretend to be hurt and then they'd laugh about it only for Vince to be batted down again. Just like the steps of a dance. But what if he didn't like those steps anymore. What if he wanted to change them.

"And what if I wanna touch you?" Vince asked quietly, his voice low in his throat and close to Howard's ear.

"Well…then I'd have to come at you like a…like a .. like a…" Howard stuttered as Vince moved his hand up over his shoulder and down onto his chest, fingering the buttons of his shirt.

"Like what?" He leant right in towards him, taking no notice of how Howard's hands were shaking as he put his glass down nor how his thoughts had seemed to abandon him.

"I dunno… I'll just come at you!" he dramatically turned round, breaking all contact with Vince, but Vince could tell from the look in Howard's eyes that it necessarily wasn't a bad thing.

"Go on then…" Vince dared him, closing the small space between them. His face mere centimetres from Howard's, his breath hot on his face.

But it wasn't him that made the final move. It was Howard.

He grabbed at Vince's hair and pulled their lips together, his other hand on the small of his back, trapping Vince in place like he was scared he'd run if he let go. It was rushed and desperate, almost forceful at first but that didn't matter to Vince. All he cared about was the fact that Howard was kissing him, that it wasn't him that had started this and so there was no way that Howard could deny what was between them anymore. The air around him seemed thinner than usual and he had to gasp a breath between kisses. His arm reached up between then and he placed it round the back of Howard's neck, put the other one on the counter to steady himself, knocking over a few glasses in the process and gently pushed his hips further into Howard's.

The part of his brain that wasn't totally absorbed in the moment, that wasn't exploding at the thought of what was happening, pulled him back a bit. Told him that this was Howard, the virgin, the man who hadn't been kissed until his 32n'd birthday. He knew he shouldn't push him to far, he shouldn't take advantage of the fact he was drunk. But something told him that he'd never get this chance again, that this was one of those moments that you had to grab and cling onto because they only happen once. He could feel Howard's need like it was his own, like some mental connection made from years of unrealised and unfulfilled desire and there was nothing that could make Vince want to stop this.

He felt the hand at the base of his spine slip under his tight t-shirt and he needed no more encouragement to deepen the kiss, his tongue brushing against Howard's teeth, asking to be granted access further into his mouth.

A few seconds later, Howard's tongue met his and he found himself being turned around and pushed against the counter, knocking over another couple of glasses. He'd worry about them in the morning. He'd worry about the bruises he was gonna get tomorrow. He'd worry about the drink that was soaking into the bottom of his t-shirt tomorrow. Or better yet…

He broke the kiss, breathing heavily, he guided Howard's hands to the bottom of the t-shirt before peeling it off himself, leaving Howard's hands on his hips. He chucked it on the surface, as far away from the spilt drinks as he could reach. He went back to Howard's mouth for a minute before moving to his jaw line, stubble scratching at his lips making them tingle slightly. He went from there to his neck then down to his collarbone. He glanced up at Howard, his eyes where closed and one hand had made it back up to Vince's hair. It always was the hair, Vince didn't understand it himself. He carefully undid the first button of Howard shirt and waited for a reaction. It took a few seconds but when Howard realised Vince was looking up at him, eyebrows raised and fingers lingering by the second button, he leant down and kissed him, gently this time, reassuring. Vince undid a few more, trailing kisses as he went until he couldn't take the waiting, the slowness of it.

He wriggled out from his spot between Howard and the counter and took Howard's hand, leading him across the room. Howard pulled him back slightly and Vince expected the worse but instead he was dragged into Howard's arms once again. Vince pulled Howard's half undone shirt over his head and dropped it where they were standing. Then they stumbled the rest of the way to Vince's door, never separating, until Vince's back was pressed against it, his leg hooked around Howard's. Vince could tell from the tightness of his jeans that he was hard and when he pushed his hips into Howard he could feel that Howard was too. This was it, he knew it was. He reached behind him for the door handle and missed, he didn't want to sever any contact with Howard, he didn't want to have to open his eyes to look for it. But he needed that door open, now. He tried again, this time more forceful, frustrated at the fact this door was holding him back.

He wished he'd had more patience when he felt the door handle come off in his hand. He opened his eyes and stopped kissing Howard to look at the damage.

"What?" Howard asked, wondering why the sudden stop. Vince waved the door knob in front of him.

"t's broke"

"You broke it" Howard managed to look serious for a few seconds before he crumbled into laughter. "How did you manage that you jaffacake?"

"Dunno" Vince laughed too before realising the extent what he'd done. "Y'know this means we can't get in my room now"

"Oh…"

"Don't matter…got an idea" Vince dragged Howard over to the sofa and sat him down on it and sat next to him.

"We can't, not out here, what if…" Vince leant into kiss him, instantly stopping whatever worry he was about to convince Vince of.

"Shhhhhhh" he said when he stopped "Don't worry, we won't…not right now anyways, not with you this drunk so relax yeah?"

"Yeah…wait, I'm not drunk" Howard pouted, nowhere near Vince's standards but it made him look adorable nonetheless.

"Mmmhmm" Vince raised his eyebrow and then licked his lips. "Sure, that aside, we were kinda in the middle of something…we should finish that don't you think?" Vince asked, his best seductive smile on his lips.

"Yeah we really shoul…" Howard never got to finish his sentence before he'd been pushed back on the sofa, Vince's delicate frame led on his, knees either side of him.

After about another five minutes of kissing, failing attempts at removing more clothes and nearly falling off the sofa more than once, Vince sat up, the fairy lights casting a pinkish glow over his bare chest. He shuffled down Howard's legs a bit and reached for the belt on his trousers and his hands shook slightly when he tried to undo it, the metal cold against his fingers. After a few seconds he could feel Howard laughing below him.

"Vince Noir; Rock N Roll Star…having trouble with a belt is he?"

"What? I never have got on well with these things…well not when they're on properly anyway." he leant forward and kissed Howard before returning to his mission.

It was then he felt the side of his leg vibrating and his all to familiar ringtone started up.

"Of all the times to call!" Vince took his phone out of his pocket and considered chucking it across the room but the caller-ID told him it was Leroy… who would keep calling until he was answered. He put the phone to his ear.

"Leroy! No, I'm busy…no I actually am…really busy…extremely busy…like _trying to undo a belt with one hand because you decided now would be the perfect time to call_ busy! So in the nicest possible way mate…please fuck off" he dropped his phone on the floor by the sofa and returned his attention back to Howard.

"Sorry bout that…Howard? Howard?" Vince waved a hand in front of Howard's closed eyes. No reaction.

Great. Thank you Leroy. He's now asleep. Probably shouldn't have given him so much alcohol

Vince got off the now sleeping Howard and stood for a few seconds. What was he meant to do now? He couldn't go to bed, his door was fucked and Howard was on the sofa. He looked around and his eyes stopped on Howard's door. He didn't know why he hadn't thought of that earlier, when they were in need of a room.

That sorted him out somewhere to sleep, at least. His eyes also focused on the mess they'd made. He could of course clear it up now but that was one hell of a daunting prospect. Instead he resolved to get up early and tidy it tomorrow before anyone was awake to see it. He also decided to do one last thing before commandeering Howard's bed, he walked across to their cupboard for what felt like the hundredth time recently and pulled out the last spare blanket. He laid it over Howard and bent down to pick up the shirt, beige with a pale green swirly like pattern. He remembered a time when he wouldn't contemplate even touching something so unfashionable but as he slipped it over his head the only thing that crossed his mind was that it still smelt of Howard. He did the top few buttons up and looked down at himself. He looked ridiculous, the shirt itself practically drowned him and clashed completely with his turquoise blue jeans, but he didn't care. He tiptoed to Howard's door and went in as quietly as possible which meant only letting out a small string of swear words when he tripped over Howard's trumpet case. He took his jeans off by the bed and got under the covers. They smelled so much of Howard it was like he was almost in bed with him. At first it was a distraction, in a way overwhelming but he soon got used to it and drifted off to sleep, dreaming that he was snuggled up to his best friend, his almost lover, his love.

-x-

Vince woke early, surprisingly hangover free and refreshed. It took a few minutes to adjust to his surroundings before everything that had happened the night before came crashing back to him. Not in a bad way of course. In a way that made him want to jump out of bed and scream it from the rooftop in just his pants and Howard's shirt. But he couldn't do that, he'd get locked up. He sat up in the bed and looked around him, his eyes reading the titles of boring books and a small over turned photo on Howard's bedside table. It wasn't in a frame or anything and one of the corners was a little creased. Vince picked it up and looked at it. It was him. With Howard. But not like they were now, from back in their days in the zoo. Back when he was naïve and innocent and all he wanted was Howard's approval and respect and well.. love, he guessed. He sorta wished he could go back in time to those days, when everything was so easy and less complicated. That wasn't possible though.

Instead he settled for dancing his way to the door and poking his head out of it to check on Howard. He was still asleep, even though the early morning sun was glaring directly on his face, lighting him up like some kind of scruffy angel. Vince wanted more than anything to run to him and wake him up, but he couldn't do that. He closed the door and walked past Howard, not stopping to look at him because he knew that if he did he'd sit there until the sleeping jazz maverick woke. He picked up the glasses that were still in one piece and put them in the sink, then he swept the broken glass from the counter and floor. Most of the liquid that had filled them had dried and gone sticky and Vince wasn't entirely sure what to do so he left it. He chucked the top that he'd discarded last night in the washing machine and realised he didn't know what to do with that either. He managed to wash the blender without slicing his fingers off and had just about finished when Naboo came out of his room in his pyjamas.

"What you doing?" Naboo asked as soon as he spotted Vince.

"I was cleaning up but it's all done now, no need to worry your sparkling shaman self" Vince waved a hand round the kitchen to prove his point.

"You cleaned?" Naboo raised an eyebrow disbelievingly.

"Yeah, yeah I'm not totally useless you know"

"You cleaned the whole kitchen?"

"Yeah! Well…" Vince paused glancing quickly at the sticky surfaces.

"I knew it, what is it? What do you need help with?"

"Ermm, washing machine and stickyness. I forgot to wipe it up last night after Howa…"

"I don't want to know!" Naboo gestured with his arms for Vince to stop.

"Huh? Oh… No! no no no, it's not, it's just lemonade mostly"

"Oh, good. It's just with you in that shirt…I just presumed Howard was in your room waiting for breakfast in bed"

"Nah he's asleep" Vince nodded over to the sofa.

"You didn't! Not on my sofa!"

"No! Chill… we never…" Vince paused, wondering how best to word what had happened.

"Then why the shirt?"

"Oh I can't get to mine at the moment. Don't suppose you've got any of my clothes lying about, d'ya?" as comfortable as he was in the shirt, he was concerned by it's length and while Vince wasn't particularly ashamed by his grey batman pants, he didn't exactly want to spend the day with everyone being able to see them.

"Check the laundry basket?"

"Oh right, yeah that would have been a good idea."

He searched amongst the freshly ironed clothes for something that was his and carried what more or less was what he wore last Thursday into the bathroom. He emerged an hour later showered, clothed and made up. His hair looked a little messier and wavier than usual because his straighteners were trapped in his room, he draped the shirt he'd slept in over the back of the sofa and made two cups of tea. In his head he was making Howard one to help with the inevitable hangover he'd have but in his heart he knew he was doing it just so that he had an excuse to wake him.

He carried the tea over to the table and then gently shook Howard awake.

"Hey…I made tea" Vince smiled, a smile that was fractured slightly when he saw a strange look flicker in Howard's eyes. A look that was a mixture of fear and…regret. But it was gone before Vince could be sure he'd seen it. Instead he went back to the table and sat down with his bowl of coco pops. When Howard joined him at the table he had on the shirt Vince had slept in.

"Toast?" Vince asked as Howard sat down.

"Yeah"

As Vince put the bread in the toaster he realised that even though he'd barely said anything, there was an atmosphere in the room, one that worried Vince. Part of him could guess what was coming but he didn't want to believe it. So instead he ignored the tension and acted how he would any other day.

"You know you look like a tramp yeah?"

"Yeah…I've got to stop falling asleep on that sofa. Did you all finish watching the movie?"

There it was, what Vince knew was going to happen. It still cut him like a knife. They'd had a major break through and it was all just forgotten. Or denied most likely. He sighed and put the bread in the toaster. Was it always going to be like this?

"Nah, everyone went to bed after a while. Until it was just us two left…" Vince turned to look at Howard.

"Oh right…that wine must have been strong"

"Or someone just can't handle it"

Howard's cheeks reddened slightly, they both knew that Vince wasn't talking about the wine. Vince didn't take his eyes off Howard, he watched as he sipped his tea and looked everywhere around the room except at Vince. It was only when the toast jumped out of the toaster behind him did he drop his gaze. He dropped the slightly burnt toast on a plate and put it on the table in front of Howard.

"Thank you"

"Y'welcome" Vince didn't sit down, he just stood for a minute then he went and got a coat, he needed to clear his head and he couldn't do that around Howard. He couldn't even think straight around Howard anymore.

He didn't say anything and he didn't look back. He kept staring straight ahead. He told himself he wouldn't stop and he didn't. Until he saw Howard's jacket, the corduroy one he wore to the fair, the one he gave him to stop him freezing, even though he was being childish. Vince extended his arm and stroked the sleeve of the jacket. The texture reminded him of the delicate balance him and Howard were in, where if you rubbed it the wrong way it went all prickly.

He sat down on the bottom step, he didn't want to go back upstairs because it'd make him look like a idiot, storming out only to walk back in with his metaphorical tail between his legs. But something inside him didn't want to leave. Now his anger had died down, he realised he had nowhere to go. He was stuck. So he just sat there listening to the footsteps over his head and thinking, which wasn't something Vince liked to do. He liked to just let things happen, on impulse but when he did stop to think about anything he always ended up over thinking it. Then he'd end up doubting things or seeing to much into things only for it to turn out not to be what he thought it was.

Was that what had happened with this whole Howard thing? He'd never noticed anything before he started thinking about Howard in that way. Until he wanted to start seeing signs. See he was doing it now, doubting something which last night he believed in a hundred per cent. Thinking just wasn't healthy. But he couldn't help it. Something in the back of his mind made him think, if Howard loved you wouldn't he have done something by now. Or said something at the very least. Vince had made it perfectly obvious how he felt so there was nothing for Howard to lose.

He couldn't believe how much he'd changed in an hour or so. An hour ago he was humming while clearing away broken glass, his biggest worry was how to work a washing machine and now he was sat on the stairs, on his own, trying to stop tears from running down his face. He heard running water upstairs, it sounded like the shower. This was his chance to go back without being questioned to why he'd comeback so soon, with no explanation for why he'd been out. He could just hide in his room for a few hours.

He remembered as soon as he got up the stairs that he couldn't get in his room. He sat down on the sofa and switched on the TV. Act as normal as possible. Howard didn't say a word to him when he came out of the bathroom and he didn't come out of his room until Bollo called dinner. He'd hardly been spoken to all day, everyone knew that when Vince was this quiet there was a damn good reason. The dinner table was tense and everyone looked up when Vince broke the silence.

"Naboo, do you think you could work your shaman magic on my door knob?"

"Why….what have you done?" Vince could tell he was doing his best to keep his voice accusation free, sort of like when an adult is trying to calm a child down. Vince glanced at Howard who has sudden taken a great interest in cutting up his food.

"It's come off…I kinda lost my temper with it" Vince glared slightly in Howard's direction but he wasn't sure that Howard had seen it. Naboo did though and he took a while speak, he seemed to be thinking something over.

"Sorry, no can do…I specialize with potions and charms not DIY, we'll call a carpenter tomorrow."

Vince stared at him. Naboo went out of his way not to pay for things that could be done magically for free and he knew Naboo was lying about what he was capable of.

"Bullshit…you fixed that shelf that time"

"Yeah but I just made that float, doesn't really count."

"So what am I going to do til tomorrow, it might have escaped your notice but I ain't got nowhere to sleep or nothing to wear. I can't even straighten my hair!"

"And that's the most important thing is it?" Everyone stopped for a second, that was the first thing Howard had said since entering the room. Vince was stumped for a few minutes, his natural instinct was to make a comment about his hair but something stopped him.

"I didn't say that did I? I'm just thinking bigger picture. It's just one of those things that you have to accept, whether you want to or not. It's reality. Isn't it." Vince turned back to Naboo. "Is there nothing you can do?"

"Vince it's only one night, deal with it"

"But where am I gonna sleep!"

"Share with Howard"

"What?" Both Howard and Vince said in unison.

"You used to manage at the zoo"

"That was different. Can't I just sleep on the sofa?" Vince gestured in the direction of the sofa as if to prove it's existence.

"'Fraid not, people can't keep sleeping on it, it's starting to get worn out"

"But Naboo…"

"Just share!"

Both Vince and Howard spent the rest of dinner sulking and neither spoke to the other all evening until it the time came for bed. Both of them stood by Howard's door, not wanting to be the first to enter.

"So what are we gonna do then?" Vince asked, biting the end of his thumb.

"We'll have to share I guess. Tops and tails?"

"But you always tickle my toes" Vince smiled, he hadn't meant to say it out loud but it was the closest to feeling like normal he'd got all day.

"That was only coz you'd keep wiggling them, making it irresistible." Their eyes met for a moment, both thinking the same thing. Irresistible probably hadn't been the best word to use at that moment.

"Come on then…but promise no tickling"

"Cross my heart"

About five minutes later they were tucked in bed, it was like a kid's sleepover gone wrong, two fully grown men in matching pjs (Vince had to borrow some of Howard's before he'd agreed to let him on his sheets) and feet poking out of the duvet that was really too small for two people. Vince marvelled at how quickly the atmosphere between them could change. They had spent half of last night acting like horny teenagers, spent all of today avoiding each other and now they we're giggling over the fact that he'd nearly fallen out of bed.

"Howard, tell me a story?" Vince knew he was just indulging himself, it had been years since he needed stories to send him to sleep but he wanted to make the most of how things were, who knew when the next time it'd be just him and Howard, like the old days.

"But don't you normally do the stories?"

"Yeah, but I want one of yours"

"But mine are always all the same, mine are always about the princess who spends all her time looking for love only to find that it's under her nose."

"Yeah but I like her, she used to remind me of…me." Vince swallowed, thinking over what he'd just said.

"Yeah well, you are very much the princess aren't you Vince?"

"I guess…you never did tell me how it ended, did she find her love?" Vince knew he was only asking to see how Howard responded, he was surprised he couldn't see through his question.

"I don't know, it never got that far so I didn't know myself. Maybe there were times when she found him but she'd never see that it was him she'd found"

"Why didn't the prince just tell her, then she could stop searching?"

"Because he saw her constantly looking for other princes, he thought if she wanted him then she would have noticed him by then. He did try once, well twice really but she just laughed. She didn't want to be loved by him. Maybe that's why he spent all his time chasing other people's love."

"But maybe she…" Vince paused, rewinding a bit. "You just said he!"

"Did I? Oh I meant she. I'm more tired than I thought obviously"

"Right. Well, maybe if the princess had known all that she wouldn't have laughed."

"Well, we shall never know. Doesn't really matter now."

"Oh…" Vince fell silent for a while, considering the fairytale and what it might have really meant. "Howard?"

"Is trying to sleep"

"If I ask you something will you promise not to laugh, even if you say no?"

"Ok…slightly worried but alright"

Vince bit his lip and did his best to make himself look vulnerable, it used to work for everything a few years ago.

"If I promise not to wriggle in my sleep, can I come and sleep up there?"

"Up where?"

"I mean like…the right way up. I just feel isolated here on my own with nothing but your feet for company."

"How do you manage normally?"

"I've got a Bowie poster by my bed" he heard Howard laugh under his breath.

"Only you would."

"Shut up." Vince stuck his tongue out at Howard, even though it was him being mocked. "Can I then?"

"I guess…but no wriggling. Or kicking. I still haven't forgotten that time I was woken up by a lovely sharp kick in the…privates from you"

This time it was Vince's turn to suppress his laughter, he remembered being chased around the hut in nothing but his pjs by a saucepan-wielding Howard.

Vince sat up and crawled under the duvet, trying his best to turn around without climbing all over Howard. He failed dramatically, falling out of bed in the process.

"What on earth were you trying to attempt then?"

"I didn't wanna have to get out of bed coz it's cold."

"Oh come here you banana trifle" Howard pulled him into the bed and Vince found himself automatically snuggling into him, even though that probably wasn't what Howard bargained for. He didn't say anything though, he just laid there. Vince wanted to break the silence that had fallen but his brain cell told him not to. Maybe it was just easier if he didn't say anything. He closed his eyes and pretended to go to sleep and after about ten minutes he felt Howard gently stroking his hair.

He actually fell asleep not long after that, but he woke up before he'd been asleep long. He risked opening an eye. Howard was asleep. How deeply asleep he didn't know but the urge to touch him was too strong for him to ignore. He brushed his fingers against his cheek. No reaction. He gently leaned up and kissed him gently, just for a few seconds. No reaction. He put his head back down on Howard's chest but he wasn't finished.

"The princess does love him, if only he knew." he whispered, half to himself. "Just like I love you"

He nearly jumped out of his skin when Howard opened his eyes.

"Is that why you've been torturing me for the last week or so"

"Shit! I thought you were asleep."

"I was til you started wriggling about"

"Sorry…I mean…what do you mean torturing you?"

"All week you've been all confusing and don't even get me started on the jeans you've been wearing. It's been driving me mad."

"What? What about this morning then, I know that you were lying"

"I thought the only reason you'd kissed me was because you were drunk. You don't know how many times I've watched you at parties with these Camden girls wishing I was one of them…well maybe not wishing I was a Camden dolly bird but wishing it was me that you were kissing. Then this morning I thought if I said anything you'd deny it. So I did it for you. Then when you stormed out I didn't know what to do so I didn't do anything."

"You dipstick. So all this time, I was thinking up all these plans to make you want me when you already did?"

"It would appear so and it would appear that that makes you the dipstick"

"You know all this time you could have just told me"

"Excuse me but I did remember, twice! Why didn't you tell me, then you wouldn't have had to tease me all week?"

"You mean…If I'd just said I loved you then we coulda been together all week."

"More or less, yeah"

"Hold on I did say it…didn't I?"

"Nope"

"No I did…when we had that fight"

"Didn't, you nearly did and every pat of me was screaming for you to say it but you never did."

"Oh…alright then what about on the bouncy castle?"

"All you said was that you'd never love again…shortly followed by I'm over you" Vince felt a pang of guilt when Howard said that.

"Ok maybe not then, but I defiantly said it in the artic."

"While laughing your head off"

"Doesn't mean I didn't mean it...it was just different back then."

"I do believe I win this argument then"

"Fine then. I shall say it now…in all the ways I should have said it before just like you did." He sat up and got on his knees.

"Howard TJ Moon…I love you, you have flicked my switch, something about sexual tension and fighting…I'm a massive gayist, now pucker up before I come at you like a cockney bitch" Vince flung himself onto Howard who was more than a little taken aback but caught him nonetheless.

-x-

Vince lay in bed, fiddling with the material of Howard's pyjama shirt below him. He knew he wouldn't be able to stay awake much longer but he couldn't stop looking up at the sleeping form of Howard and smiling.

True, it had all been for nothing and he could have got here a whole lot easier, but he sure as hell wouldn't change this moment for anything.


End file.
